agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (truth)
Soooo I should really just update this too (but i'm really only on dreamwidth to read a friend's journal/FFA) but anyway

as of May 1st I started T! god bless Chase Brexton. and as of last week I'm now on 50 mg weekly!!
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
Buuut something did happen yesterday that I figured I'd share

We're official! :D I haven't stopped smiling since it happened.
[also the picture facebook used are old as heck. the one on the left[where I'm wearing an ID badge] is from high school and the one on the right [with the young boy in between us] is from two years ago (and yes it's in a pet shop. :p).
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
[ftr if you really want to read more of my ramblings, I have a livejournal: agent_squeaks]

Uh well so, things here have been kinda shit. I hate living in this house [my therapist says my family dynamics are "disturbing"]

and the boy's sick right now poor baby.

oh! I haven't mentioned the gift I'm getting from the boy. he's building me a computer so we can play Guild Wars 2 together. it freaks me out that he's building me this because the cost is more than I feel i deserve [it's in the ballpark of 1k now].
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)

^That was the Valentine I got from the boy. And a ribbon. Such a sweetheart~
agent_squeaks: (happytimes)
a trans* guy specific zine [ Dude which I can't shill enough because it's awesome] and an anthology [Significant Letters which looks really cool but has a minimum of 3k which is a lot] both have upcoming calls for submission from lovers/significant others of trans guys [and in the case of the anthology, trans people in general].

I brought these up to the boy, just kinda 'cause I think it'd be cool if he did something, plus I like showing him parts of my world outside of fandom/geeky stuff/porn.

And amid his [complete and utter lies proclaiming that he can't write] blusterings [I just wanted an excuse to use blusterings in something of a sentence] he said that he "was interested but not enough to write" which I kinda coo'd at because that's the best I'm going to get and it's really enough that he's interested. Such a sweetheart.

Also he gave me permission [or at least doesn't care/didn't mention it and he would have if he didn't want me to, he is very good about voicing his displeasure] if I write about us whiiich means, i guess, that he's okay with being referred to as my partner which is kinda really awesome.


Nov. 23rd, 2011 03:08 pm
agent_squeaks: (happytimes)
Was hanging out with the boy last Saturday [the 19th], we're fooling around [i got some whee!] it's all good and then he calls my genitalia "exotic".
i'd already been feeling dysphoric that whole week [a friend of mine started T with insurance/without any hassles so i've been ridic jealous] and that didn't help.

asked him about the day after [just to make sure i'm not just his "trans guy experiment" because i've been someone's experiment before and it's not something i want to repeat, especially not with him] and i got this in response:
"Well, I don't really have experience with trans guys at all~ So figuring out what makes you giggle and squirm despite our differences is icing on a clever, quirky cake :3"

Yeah, i've been pretty much a pile of goo since. [and this later response didn't help: "well you are a silly handsomeface"]

and now he knows [one word] what not to call me! yaayy!
[i also have a pdf for him. it's Dude-a trans guy zine that he really needs to read, just as a sort of primer or something/open up a discussion/see if he has any questions.]

*dusts off*

Nov. 6th, 2011 03:43 pm
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
oh wow it's been longer than i thought. oops.

Not much except that my name change is legal! 100% totally legal. I still have to scurry around doing paperwork, of course but that won't be as bad as my mother says it will be.

Still with the boy. Spent pretty much the entire day with him yesterday-that was fun, got a lot of snuggles, found out he likes hanging out with me and having sex with me. yay!

Ummm, what else? ...
Oh! School. Is sorta going? I have plans at least. [CC in the spring and then WVU in the fall]
So there's that.

Got a SomethingAwful account. Been a pretty much amazing group of people. <3333

That that's really it tbh.
Mostly I've just been living.


Aug. 30th, 2011 09:29 pm
agent_squeaks: (wangst)
One of my best friends in this town [and the only one that would manage to get me out of the house on a regular basis] left for texas yesterday. She's not coming back here anytime soon.

To say i'm not handling it well is an understatement.
I spent all of yesterday breaking down into tears and I can feel them coming back.

And it's coupled with really bad homesickness and school issues and basically i've been a big ball of sadness.
but it's nice to feel stuff again i guess


Aug. 5th, 2011 12:49 pm
agent_squeaks: (<3)
So last week, i had the house to myself [miss it a little bit yes] that Tuesday night the boy came over and spent the night and, well, let's just say that I do amazing things with my tongue. And that everything about him tastes wonderful. ;)

[We also had this exchange:
"Like what you see?"
the boy "Yeah but I like who I see more."]

The name change is 9/10ths of the way done! Just waiting on the judge to sign it then mail it to me [1-2 weeks so either this week or next week]. :D

[Also in the vein of 'adorable shit he says to me':
"but I wanna take you out somewhere sometime~"


Jul. 25th, 2011 02:25 am
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
have the house to myself this week.

+a dog
+possibly the boy for a bit. :D :D

so i

Apr. 5th, 2011 08:40 pm
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
officially actually honestly came out to my parents as trans today.

as expected my dad didn't really say anything.
my mom teared up a little-which was nice from her "whatever just get a job" from last year.

now to go track down some reading material/tell the brother.


Mar. 25th, 2011 09:50 pm
agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
Okay so recap:

  • I've been diagnosed with depression [most likely psychotic as I have hallucinations and was in the hospital for five days earlier this month for them as well.]
  • I am on medication for the hallucinations/will be for the depression.
  • I am in therapy for the depression, among my other mental neuroses.

  • name change papers are being filed on the 8th!

  • the boy and i are still...whatever we are. and i'm getting the six-month jitters about it right now
  • updates

    Feb. 6th, 2011 07:30 pm
    agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
    I promise-ish that i'll stop neglecting this journal buuut for now

    School )

    Datingish )

    Transition )
    agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
    We all know each other on LJ/DW. Some better than others. Sometimes, posts don't say everything about us. Sometimes we wonder if it would be rude to ask a personal question, so we don't. Is there anything about me you want to ask? This is your chance to ask me anything about me/my life. You can be as personal as you like, but I reserve the right to not answer a question; if that is the case, you can ask another question.
    [snatched from kanata]

    Have at it, y'all! :)


    Dec. 5th, 2010 03:13 pm
    agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
    melancholia and abandonment issues=not a good combination.

    remembering something from high school:
    the GSA there had a former member visit-a trans* guy actually-and i remember sitting there on the floor, staring up at him in awe because i didn't know you could do that and i remember thinking "i want to look like that someday."
    agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
    So, I've haven't updated this in a while. S'pose I should probably explain why:

    Cut for mental health/emotional triggers )


    Nov. 2nd, 2010 01:36 pm
    agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
    My therapist recommended I get in touch with the trans* male professor on campus. I did, via e-mail, and we set up a meeting for yesterday.

    Conclusion: oh my god he is amazing and hilarious and I want to be him when I grow up [minus the balding. :p]
    He is also on-board with my idea of starting up a group just for the T part of biGL(t)M.
    [because we really do need one. supposedly there are 3-4 more trans* people than the two they always talk about *cough*me/C*cough* but but I don't see them. they don't come to meetings, they don't come to events, I can only hope they've joined the FB group.]

    Last Saturday [the 30th] I also had a visit from my mother/brother/the boy [<3]. Yeah, seven hours of being called her name? Not good for my mental health. At all. It didn't escalate [from nail-digging-in and hair-pulling-out] only because the boy would have noticed and then would have probably dragged me to the hospital-and he would have been sad and scared and I hate having him worry about me when he shouldn't have to. [he did however drag me around wal*mart and called me "puppy". :D]

    *beams* :D

    Oct. 19th, 2010 07:34 pm
    agent_squeaks: "world's okayest gay" (Default)
    Talked to my mom on the phone.
    [she apparently didn't think i was into boys-I am, very much so, especially a certain boy who I will be seeing in a week] but anyway, she said:
    "so you think you're a boy and you like boys?"
    my response of "i like girls to!" was met with confusion.

    But but i got permission to use her maiden name as my middle name! :D All I need now is $105 and it'll be official!

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