Sep. 11th, 2010 11:09 am
agent_squeaks: (Default)
there are days where i just get struck with the intense urge to paint my nails all sorts of bright colors [a recent one was black and hot pink]. it's weird because i never wanted to do this stuff when I ID'd as female.
agent_squeaks: (happytimes)
:D my res. hall had karaoke today. and i got to be part of a boyband! they let me join-and sing on all three songs ["Bohemian Rhapsody"-of which there may be video of, "Proud Mary" and "All Star"]! Yay!

Squee! *happyhappyhappyhappy*

And they treated me like just one of the guys! :D
agent_squeaks: (Default)
[only a hundred some more to go. :p]
So the first week of my junior[ish] year is over.

And there were some ups [the none-empty men's bathroom, being gendered as male even without packing/binding, my res. hall being completely motherfucking awesome in regards to everything, my roommates being cool, i made a new friend thursday-he's cute and enjoys glitter about as much as i do. :)]

and some downs [biGLtM's continued not using pronouns/my name when they talk to/about me, a friend being "assertive" regarding our relationship at 3 AM, that terrifying bout of dysphoria]

but all in all, I think this week went pretty well.
agent_squeaks: (Default)
[personal issues. basically i woke up to a facebook message from somebody who i had considered a friend that basically said that she never considered me a friend; that we were just acquaintances. and that was it. but but i managed to not break down sobbing, and managed to make it to my 10 and 1 o' clock class. so not a fun today and i'll probably wind up seeing her tonight [will i be talking to her in any aspect? not a bit.]

But happy news! I went in the men's room today. While there were people in it. :D

so, um

Aug. 25th, 2010 05:04 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
i was on the prt [it's like a monorail except smaller and it frequently breaks down at the most inconvenient times] this afternoon. Standing because I didn't get to a seat in time. so anyway, i'm holding onto the pole and there's this other guy standing next to me. he keeps looking down at me and then i figured out what he was looking at. i was holding a copy of Transgender History.

however anon boy on the prt, that does not give you license to stare at my crotch [even if it's bigger than yours]. kthanks.
[thankfully, i was packing today and wearing a pair of girl!jeans.]
agent_squeaks: (Default)
[and yes, I do remember that this is a public journal but half of this town doesn't know me as Callum.]

being nice and putting it behind a cut )
agent_squeaks: (Default)
So my linguistics professor had to make a roster change this morning when she called roll. :D [three guesses as to why!] :D :D


Aug. 22nd, 2010 10:23 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
Tomorrow marks the first day of classes. And the start of a new semester. And teh beginning of my going officially completely utterly full-time. No more limbo no more sick twisted feeling in my stomach from switching back and forth.

And it's terrifying.
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it is so surreal hearing people actually call me "Cal/Callum". I love it.
also i have an awesome binder [except that it's all sweaty and gross now. :(]
and i got called "sir" when i was helping the ickle wittle froshies move-in.

and and i was totally read tonight as male!! :D i coo'd at this one guy's dog. And he just looked at me all like "wtf?"
agent_squeaks: (happytimes)
A) Went to Wal-Mart tonight. I got read as male. In the deodorant aisle! While he was right next to me! :D [We were discussing Old Spice scents.]

B) Got a sparkly pretty old-school Lisa Frank pony notebook/folder. [It's interesting; I've always liked bright colors but since coming out that love of bright colors has intensified.]

C) Oh man my roommates are going to think they're rooming with a gay guy. ;) All the sparkly stuff and bright bright shades of pink.

D) my mom gave me fashion advice. [I found a men's dress shirt at the thrift store, light yellow-which apparently looks good on me-and was trying to figure out which pants it could go with. [consensus: the khakis and the brown corduroys] and mentioned that when I wear the shirt, that i should wear it tucked in. She's never given me advice like that before other than general 'yes that looks good. here try this style/cut/color.'] so progress, I guess?
agent_squeaks: (Default)
despite being the youngest one there by about, oh, 10-30 years. [well minus the kidlets. :p]
It was fun. I wound up not wearing the trunks-they do actually need to be washed/find some way to pack w/o wearing underwear.

I also apparently don't pass as well as I thought I do, as I got called "she" often. [they were politely corrected though.] I was even binding-for the first time in months. :(
Walking through the [empty] women's locker room interesting experience [and not a pleasurable one]-I don't pass well enough/am not emotionally ready for the men's locker room-so that was my only choice lest I want to hop the six-foot fence.

Also managed to renew my attraction to older women. ;) [This time she has a daughter who's also most likely older than I am.] And tried really hard to not flirt with the cute new boy.

All in all, though good time, good food, great group of people. :)


Aug. 3rd, 2010 11:46 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
working out makes me really horny. like really horny dryhumping couch cushions horny
and everything just feels so warm and relaxed. i love this feeling.
i can see the veins in my arms now. :)


Aug. 2nd, 2010 01:31 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
bought swim trunks. :D
[yes for Friday.]
I'm doing it. Can't find a swim shirt/rash guard and am not buying one new but I can just wear a t-shirt.
gah, *flails*
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when, in target, i get weird looks for eagerly reading cosmo.
[i was also reading seventeen.]
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so my mom went away for a few days and mentioned that she bought me some shirts. now, i'm not out to them as FtM [yet].
so i expected that she'd get me women's clothing.
i was pleasantly surprise that she didn't.


Jul. 23rd, 2010 02:02 am
agent_squeaks: (Default)
what are you doing, agreeing to go to the pool party?
they all pretty much think you're a guy-and if not then they do a good job of pretending-and also, remember, you sold her bathing suit? [not that you would have worn it anyway.]
maybe you can steal a pair of your dad's shorts to wear and shave your pits and wear a tanktop.
or just not go swimming [but still wear the tanktop, maybe two, gotta hide the mounds of fat on your chest]
agent_squeaks: (Default)
I never had male toys. Every toy I got, be it a stuffed toy or action figure, was always male.
[even if their tag said female; I ignored that.]
whenever i played with my friends-that roleplaying kids do (in our case, Pokémon. if i remember correctly, i was a flareon)- i was male, much to their dismay.


Jul. 20th, 2010 01:57 am
agent_squeaks: (Default)
Guess who used the men's room? For the first time??
[ME!!!!!! :D]
[it was empty but shush.]

agent_squeaks: (Default)
since i've started working out my leg hair has gotten darker and more visible

living this double life [made worse by the fact that i live in a small town] i'm not sure how much longer i can keep it up. there's always this voice in my head whenever i go out with my folks in town that's just waiting for someone recognize me as me.
^that link still makes me happy.

disclosed to the new roommate. just waiting for a reply. *crosses fingers*

thrift-store shopping with my mother tomorrow. now this'll be a test.

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