agent_squeaks: (Default)
Buuut something did happen yesterday that I figured I'd share

We're official! :D I haven't stopped smiling since it happened.
[also the picture facebook used are old as heck. the one on the left[where I'm wearing an ID badge] is from high school and the one on the right [with the young boy in between us] is from two years ago (and yes it's in a pet shop. :p).
agent_squeaks: (Default)

^That was the Valentine I got from the boy. And a ribbon. Such a sweetheart~


Nov. 23rd, 2011 03:08 pm
agent_squeaks: (happytimes)
Was hanging out with the boy last Saturday [the 19th], we're fooling around [i got some whee!] it's all good and then he calls my genitalia "exotic".
i'd already been feeling dysphoric that whole week [a friend of mine started T with insurance/without any hassles so i've been ridic jealous] and that didn't help.

asked him about the day after [just to make sure i'm not just his "trans guy experiment" because i've been someone's experiment before and it's not something i want to repeat, especially not with him] and i got this in response:
"Well, I don't really have experience with trans guys at all~ So figuring out what makes you giggle and squirm despite our differences is icing on a clever, quirky cake :3"

Yeah, i've been pretty much a pile of goo since. [and this later response didn't help: "well you are a silly handsomeface"]

and now he knows [one word] what not to call me! yaayy!
[i also have a pdf for him. it's Dude-a trans guy zine that he really needs to read, just as a sort of primer or something/open up a discussion/see if he has any questions.]

*dusts off*

Nov. 6th, 2011 03:43 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
oh wow it's been longer than i thought. oops.

Not much except that my name change is legal! 100% totally legal. I still have to scurry around doing paperwork, of course but that won't be as bad as my mother says it will be.

Still with the boy. Spent pretty much the entire day with him yesterday-that was fun, got a lot of snuggles, found out he likes hanging out with me and having sex with me. yay!

Ummm, what else? ...
Oh! School. Is sorta going? I have plans at least. [CC in the spring and then WVU in the fall]
So there's that.

Got a SomethingAwful account. Been a pretty much amazing group of people. <3333

That that's really it tbh.
Mostly I've just been living.


Aug. 5th, 2011 12:49 pm
agent_squeaks: (<3)
So last week, i had the house to myself [miss it a little bit yes] that Tuesday night the boy came over and spent the night and, well, let's just say that I do amazing things with my tongue. And that everything about him tastes wonderful. ;)

[We also had this exchange:
"Like what you see?"
the boy "Yeah but I like who I see more."]

The name change is 9/10ths of the way done! Just waiting on the judge to sign it then mail it to me [1-2 weeks so either this week or next week]. :D

[Also in the vein of 'adorable shit he says to me':
"but I wanna take you out somewhere sometime~"


Jul. 25th, 2011 02:25 am
agent_squeaks: (Default)
have the house to myself this week.

+a dog
+possibly the boy for a bit. :D :D


Feb. 6th, 2011 07:30 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
I promise-ish that i'll stop neglecting this journal buuut for now

School )

Datingish )

Transition )


Nov. 2nd, 2010 01:36 pm
agent_squeaks: (Default)
My therapist recommended I get in touch with the trans* male professor on campus. I did, via e-mail, and we set up a meeting for yesterday.

Conclusion: oh my god he is amazing and hilarious and I want to be him when I grow up [minus the balding. :p]
He is also on-board with my idea of starting up a group just for the T part of biGL(t)M.
[because we really do need one. supposedly there are 3-4 more trans* people than the two they always talk about *cough*me/C*cough* but but I don't see them. they don't come to meetings, they don't come to events, I can only hope they've joined the FB group.]

Last Saturday [the 30th] I also had a visit from my mother/brother/the boy [<3]. Yeah, seven hours of being called her name? Not good for my mental health. At all. It didn't escalate [from nail-digging-in and hair-pulling-out] only because the boy would have noticed and then would have probably dragged me to the hospital-and he would have been sad and scared and I hate having him worry about me when he shouldn't have to. [he did however drag me around wal*mart and called me "puppy". :D]

*beams* :D

Oct. 19th, 2010 07:34 pm
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Talked to my mom on the phone.
[she apparently didn't think i was into boys-I am, very much so, especially a certain boy who I will be seeing in a week] but anyway, she said:
"so you think you're a boy and you like boys?"
my response of "i like girls to!" was met with confusion.

But but i got permission to use her maiden name as my middle name! :D All I need now is $105 and it'll be official!
agent_squeaks: (Default)
writing the letter really kinda hurts. having to go through and remember all the stuff they've said to me [the people i thought would support me the most!] all the ways they've said it. that kinda hurts.
[thankfully i am obsessive about chronicling every horrible thing they've said to me on here.]

i defriended 30+ people on facebook-most of whom were bigltm people. and left the facebook group/deleted all the posts i'd made on it. felt good.

hmmm, happy things? oh i went to the football game yesterday. :) got horribly sunburned but homosocially bonded with the guy I was standing next to. ^_^ [oh, hey any cis*/fellow trans* guys/people who used to ID as guys, is it normal for college-age people to address girls as "man"? i get the feeling it's not but my game mate also called me "babe".]

i asked Matt Kailey [author of "Just Add Hormones" and generally a completely awesome guy] about the bigltm issue and he responded!!!! :D [link:]

Good bits:
Good for you. I’m really glad that you are pursuing this. It takes a lot to do that, but that is how change comes about.

Thank you for your kind words. I’m flattered and glad that I could be of help to you.

And thanks for what you’re doing at the college. I am really looking forward to seeing what happens. Good work.

*giddy hero-worship.*

and, in my creative writing class, the teacher-who is amazing about all of this and apologized profusely when I mentioned to her about the pronouns-has basically given me carte blanche to write about trans* issues, all under the guise of fiction. [the piece i'm working is actually shaping up to be pretty interesting- so far it's about the impact being found out/coming out as trans* has on a relationship (and yes i am aware those two aren't always the same) and it involves cher.]
agent_squeaks: (Default)
had my first therapy appointment in six years. i destroyed a ton of tissues and broke down sobbing [as a result my left eye won't stop twitching though thankfully i don't use it to see]. he brought up some interesting parallels between my struggle with my mother's breast cancer [don't worry, she's all done with that stuff now] and my coming out as trans*. and that both involved for me, at least, a lack of respect from people that should've had it. or something like that.

but i did promise happy news and that is that the entire Carruth center [psychological student health, where i go] knows me as Callum-it's even in their computer system!! -which I found out when I went to check in. :D
agent_squeaks: (Default)
:) [i hope i get the guy i saw this morning for my regular. he's pretty amazing. and he gets it! -i had explained my frustrations re:biGLtM and the previous couple entries and he got it!
and he called me Callum -and made a note in my file about it and my pronoun preferences! :D
and he asked about surgery-in the adorable not-wanting to offend way.
[my answer was that I want it; it's way way on the back burner now. as i a) can't afford it yet and b) i'd rather get the legal stuff taken care of first.]

ETA: Got him! :D [thanks to a phonecall i got during class]. And the receptionist called me Callum!!!!!!!!! [yeah, of course I saved that message]
agent_squeaks: (happytimes)
:D my res. hall had karaoke today. and i got to be part of a boyband! they let me join-and sing on all three songs ["Bohemian Rhapsody"-of which there may be video of, "Proud Mary" and "All Star"]! Yay!

Squee! *happyhappyhappyhappy*

And they treated me like just one of the guys! :D


Aug. 25th, 2010 12:09 pm
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i have a pysch consult next wednesday. and i have to be there by 8:30. AM. getting up that early's gonna suck but i need this too much to care.
agent_squeaks: (Default)
it is so surreal hearing people actually call me "Cal/Callum". I love it.
also i have an awesome binder [except that it's all sweaty and gross now. :(]
and i got called "sir" when i was helping the ickle wittle froshies move-in.

and and i was totally read tonight as male!! :D i coo'd at this one guy's dog. And he just looked at me all like "wtf?"
agent_squeaks: (Default)
A) E-mail to my res. hall coordinator has been read/passed onto RAs. Yay!

B). Our wellness coordinator [student health/fitness stuff] stayed lat to ask our Safe Zone rep "if she should apologize to you if she was insensitive toward you last time even though she didn't know".
Awwwwwwww. :D

C) Argh classes and professors. My plan: the first week, let them know that I want to called Callum and then, once I get their actual e-mails send an e-mail out mentioning it again and going into a bit more depth.
agent_squeaks: (Default)
so my mom went away for a few days and mentioned that she bought me some shirts. now, i'm not out to them as FtM [yet].
so i expected that she'd get me women's clothing.
i was pleasantly surprise that she didn't.

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