so i

Sep. 24th, 2010 08:21 am
agent_squeaks: (Default)
sent out the letters wednesday. to every officer, to both advisers, and to the head of Student Orgs.
haven't gotten a response yet-from anyone- and to be honest there are times where i fully don't expect a response from the officers.
agent_squeaks: (Default)

"all my life i've tried to make everybody happy while i just hurt inside"

tomorrow, the letters to the bigl(t)m officers, the head of student orgs, both advisors will be sent out.
[once i find envelopes, god damn it. "borrow" envelopes from the office]
agent_squeaks: (Default)
i have to leave bigltm. i can't take any more of this. i have to leave and it hurts it bloody fucking hurts already and i haven't even started writing the letter i'm gong to be sending them [and a copy to the advisor(s) and a copy to the head of student orgs]
i've given this group three years! that's how long i've been here at WVU. i've given them hours of my time; i've skipped class, i've been on countless panels, baring my soul to strangers, i've been the only person to work the booth for an entire semester, i've spoken up when no one else did, i was the whole frickin' reason we had that bisexuality discussion.

and and i've gotten nothing in return.
[a certificate-and that was from last year's officers]
except shit.
i've been insulted more times than i can count, i've been ridiculed, i've been demeaned, devalued, demoted. i've become the lowest rank on the totem pole. i've been the butt of every joke. i've been the acceptable target. i've been disrespected and rejected and resisted by the very group i had thought [had hoped] would welcome me with open arms. the very group that i had given so much time to.

and yet i i can't stop crying. all the friends i'd made there [and there were friends i'd made there] all the times we'd shared, all the in-jokes i was a part of.

i squeeze your hand tight as an ode to empty promises
my heart bleeds it kills me don't leave me by myself

if it's supposed to be so good for me [and it will. it is.] then then why does it hurt so much?

May 2015

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