agent_squeaks: (Default)
writing the letter really kinda hurts. having to go through and remember all the stuff they've said to me [the people i thought would support me the most!] all the ways they've said it. that kinda hurts.
[thankfully i am obsessive about chronicling every horrible thing they've said to me on here.]

i defriended 30+ people on facebook-most of whom were bigltm people. and left the facebook group/deleted all the posts i'd made on it. felt good.

hmmm, happy things? oh i went to the football game yesterday. :) got horribly sunburned but homosocially bonded with the guy I was standing next to. ^_^ [oh, hey any cis*/fellow trans* guys/people who used to ID as guys, is it normal for college-age people to address girls as "man"? i get the feeling it's not but my game mate also called me "babe".]


i asked Matt Kailey [author of "Just Add Hormones" and generally a completely awesome guy] about the bigltm issue and he responded!!!! :D [link:http://tranifesto.com/2010/09/16/ask-matt-my-friends-dont-take-me-seriously-as-trans/#comments]

Good bits:
Good for you. I’m really glad that you are pursuing this. It takes a lot to do that, but that is how change comes about.


and
Thank you for your kind words. I’m flattered and glad that I could be of help to you.

And thanks for what you’re doing at the college. I am really looking forward to seeing what happens. Good work.

*giddy hero-worship.*

and, in my creative writing class, the teacher-who is amazing about all of this and apologized profusely when I mentioned to her about the pronouns-has basically given me carte blanche to write about trans* issues, all under the guise of fiction. [the piece i'm working is actually shaping up to be pretty interesting- so far it's about the impact being found out/coming out as trans* has on a relationship (and yes i am aware those two aren't always the same) and it involves cher.]
agent_squeaks: (Default)
there's this kid in my Ling class. Well, he comes into the office and starts calling me her name.
Mind you, we have class together 3 days a week. he's heard Dr. Braidi call me Callum. And when I correct him, he goes: "well i knew you as *her name*."

my response: "yes well, it's Callum now."
he didn't stop.


*sigh*

I corrected him twice on the pronouns and then just kinda gave up.

Good news:
I have amazing wonderful offline/online friends who tell me things like this:
"I really think you and *my therapist* need to discuss, and perhaps try to come to terms with the fact that most people for whatever reason just don't care/respect you/etc. I know you know that, but I don't think you connect with many people that aren't some aspect/variety of weird/screwed up that you are, too. I don't know, just accepting that might make life easier, truly accepting and saying, eh fuck it, the people I do have are particularly special, etc.
I apparently mesh with your particular brand of crazy. Sam, clearly, does not."

[my response: I do know that. I do. It's just hard because I'd managed [or thought I had] to make friends with the people that I'm finding out don't care or respect me-that's taking some time to process.]

"I do get what you are going through. You get it much more frequently and I think more severely, yes, but I do have the same problem. I think the fact that you are aware of this whole process/concept/whatever the hell it is, is going to help tremendously."
agent_squeaks: (Default)
had my first therapy appointment in six years. i destroyed a ton of tissues and broke down sobbing [as a result my left eye won't stop twitching though thankfully i don't use it to see]. he brought up some interesting parallels between my struggle with my mother's breast cancer [don't worry, she's all done with that stuff now] and my coming out as trans*. and that both involved for me, at least, a lack of respect from people that should've had it. or something like that.

but i did promise happy news and that is that the entire Carruth center [psychological student health, where i go] knows me as Callum-it's even in their computer system!! -which I found out when I went to check in. :D
agent_squeaks: (Default)
"well, some people do honestly fit it the binary. It wouldn't exist if there weren't SOMEONE to fit in it naturally. Works for most, not for everybody. I'm not really sure what his gripe is. I see he's trying to be all psuedo-philisophical and cool big gay Pres but he IS getting obnoxious with it."

<3
[regarding the previous entry i posted]

May 2015

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